I need more of this positive energy. Where can I get more of this positive energy? O' right, by eating :) Food makes me happy, too

I wanna kill myself

Why? Bcs I can't seem to concentrate on Business subject! My God, the textbook and the reference books just make the subject even more boring than it is. URGGHHH!! The textbook is so not student-friendly, the pictures given in the textbook are meaningless, the layout of every page is just sooo boring. The font is just right, but the gap between every line is just too small, hence making it impossible for me, or any student for that matter, to be deeply engrossed in such an interesting topic with an unfortunately boring way of telling the whole agenda. I'll keep complaining~~

Jeezzz. I just can't concentrate on Bisnes right now. Nothing is sticking to the walls of my brain and if all else fails, then I'll just rely on God and a bit of luck to help me.

NEXT WEEK IS THE EXAM WEEK, WHYYY KMP, WHY SO EARLY? :'(

I feel sorry for myself

I hate how I carry myself sometimes. It's been going on quite frequently these past few days, the self-hate part I mean. And I hate how ignorant and cold and selfish I can get, whenever I'm having one of those crappy days. Like today. But I'm trying my best to change that. I'm trying my best to constantly improve myself as a person, day by day.

What is wrong? I'm so much better than this. I miss the old you, Syafinaz aris. I don't know you anymore. Hm

Mwehehehe

Don't bother asking about the title of this post. I'm out of titles. Hahah. I had a tiring but fun time today with a few of my friends.I feel so much better now, after last few day's little scare. I'm just so glad that I chatted with my two friends, Raidah & ana, last night and I did follow their advices, which basically just summed up to turn to God when feeling helpless. And yeah, I did. I felt so much better after I prayed :)

We shared our problems. Apparently we're supposed to hand in our english assignments (questionaire) 'asap' but we didn't. Hehe. Well, yeah sure, of course we'd try to complete our assignments but there's just one slight problem. We're on our own. That promised guidance has vapourised into absolute nothingness. We have absolutely no idea on what to do and we're just clueless about this whole scrap book bull. Of course, we'd gotten this assignment a couple of weeks ago, after the 2 weeks holidays started. But we weren't informed in detail on what to do and we were fed with empty promises. We could just copy one off from other classes but the thing is...there's just so much to do and it's all due on February. A week more to go. Isn't that just marvelous? :)

Hahaaaaa. Die. Anyway yeah, thank you, best friends, for such a delightfully wonderful day! You know who you are :) It was a beautiful day to be outside and I enjoyed spending my day with my friends. We shared lots of stories and we laughed a lot, and it really felt like old times. Just the three of us sitting together, making lame jokes and laughing like there's no tomorrow. It's like the textbook definition of a perfect day; spending good quality time with your best friends on a romantic, clear day. I love you guys! Muah! Haha :p Only six more days of exam to go. Right now, I'm just tired. I'm very very tired and I just wanna curl up in bed and sleep.God, this year, really stressing. I'm sitting for PSPM in another few months, and I'm targeting for at least 3.5 above. It's crucial that I get good results for my PSPM because I wasn't do my best for my PSPM 1 and it hurts me. I want to go to a good university and get a good education so I can get a job with a good pay.

Goodnite. Toodles.

STOP UNDERESTIMATING ME

You have no idea what I can do and you don't even have a clue on what kind of talents -- yes, talentssssss -- I have coz you never even bothered to know. So many thoughts are going through my mind right now that I can't even explain myself. Is it so wrong to be so devoted to something that you really enjoy doing? Sheesh. Some people are just so shallow-minded that it pisses me off.

Can I ask you a question? Why is it always that some people are totally narrow-minded, and they think that just because you're not in the science stream, or that you choose a career that has nothing to do whatsoever with science and math, then you're just dumb, or not intelligent, or you're just not doing well in school? Seriously. I mean, do the words "smart" and "intelligent" only apply to those who are left-brained? I'M JUST SAYIN'. Naaah

TTYL.

I can't believe it's already Sunday. Which means that the moment I wake up from the sweet, sweet oblivion of sleep tomorrow morning, it would be Monday. A godawful Monday. A Monday where I have to wake up early in the morning, hit the showers, and go to class for the first time in the week. Monday. I hate that word. Mondaaaay. Full with classes, scheduled. It feels like acid in my mouth. I HATE MONDAYS! Well, I couldn't sleep well last night :( and I don't know why. It took me like about more than an hour i guess, to fall asleep after switching off the lights and tucking myself underneath the comforter. I also woke up a few times in the middle of the night and it was oddly warm inside my room.

There was this one time last night when I woke up with a start. I remember dreaming about all my teeth starting to get lose and then falling out of their sockets, and then I called my mother, crying about how terrified I was. It was terrifying dream that I woke up with a gasp and my heart started pounding, and just to be sure, I ran my tongue along my teeth just to see whether or not they were still in place. Hahaha. That was really terrifying. I hate dreaming. Seriously, I hate dreaming. I wouldn't mind if I dream of happy things, you know? But when it comes to weird dreams like oh I don't know, like my teeth falling out, that's just freaky. I always dream of weird things and sometimes they creep me out, other times they just annoy the crap out of me. Well, do you know about Lendu's story? Not to mention the name of the University but..yeah

Check this out! CLICK HERE PLEASE

What happened two nights ago really changed me, emotionally.

Something knock my door! Now it affected my emotional feelings. Honestly, that "incident" really changed me. Whenever I feel like something is not right, or I'm not feeling quite like myself, I would become mad like a pig. Like I said, if that bloody bastard wants to live here, go ahead. Just don't disturb me at all! Seriously. It's so annoying to be disturbed by such a satan. First they disturb you by making you feel scared and emotionally weak, then they'll attack you, resulting you to be even more scared. and yeah i slept with fatin last night hehe.

But, on the other hand, if you're emotionally strong and stern, it will definitely go away. It has feelings, too. And it can also read your mind. It knows when you're scared and when you're not scared. Think of this as absurd, but it really is true. I was being disturbed and I didn't like it at all. It's annoying and disturbing and just...eerie. But then again, this might just be a test from the Almighty God. He might want me to become stronger emotionally, because I believe that what He does is for my own good. Look at me now, I don't think I'm that afraid of that thing disturbing me anymore. I'll just chant a few prayers and kedebabooom! it'll be gone. It is afraid of God, you know.

AHHHHHH MY CHIN IS HURT :( GOT BITTEN BY CHARLIEEE. DAMN YOU CHARLIE -____-

Dengar cerita Jasmin will be back., she'll be staying here in KMP like she used to. Dia kena gantung for 2 weeks, alahai suspend je. But as a punishment (maybe), she needs to change class. To avoid that 'thing' happen again. Macam fitnah lah benda ni. Ahh whatever -_________-  This is sooo non of my business, am I right?

Still, I'm glad she's back.

I'm really sorry

I'm sorry I told you it wasn't going to work. I'm sorry if I made you cry. I'm sorry you think that I'm playing with your feelings. I'm sorry that I made you think you weren't good enough for me. I'm sorry for your broken heart. I'm sorry I did not tell you earlier. I'm sorry if I made you lose faith. I'm sorry I made you think about death. I'm sorry I made you feel like there's no point living anymore. I'm sorry I couldn't give you a chance. I'm sorry I had to say goodbye. I'm sorry I tortured you. I am so sorry, it hurts me to hear you cry. But I am not ready for all this love kinda thing. I don't want to be ready for it. 

We're still young. We're only 19. I think that we should prioritise other things compared to this. There're a lot of things we could do other than this. I'm just, you know, not ready for it. Love isn't beneficial if it is not for the sake of Allah. I'm sorry mr. I don't mean to.

I hate my past

"Sometimes people with the worst past, create the best future," - Sayidina Umar bin Al-Khattab RA.

I hate my past. Sometimes I regret the decisions I've made in my life. I know I can't change what's been done in the past. But then again, when I give it a second thought, it's these decisions that make me become who I am today. It's these decisions, big or small, that teach me the life lessons I need to know in order to live as a human being. But I can't help thinking, what if I never did all that? A lot of 'what ifs' circle around in my head quite a lot. I hate my past. I really do. But, I don't regret my past. If it weren't for my past, I wouldn't be who I am today. But that doesn't stop me from hating it, from hating who I used to be. 

Do I need to say more? I really hate my past, seriously.

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Today happens to be the last day for one of my friend who used to be my best friend, Jasmin. She's leaving us for a reason. A capital reason, I guess. 

I wanted to cry, and I did cry. She did such a bad mistake. Seriously. Ahh. My eyes were filled with tears as I heard she's leaving. She was the friend who blew more hope into me when in distress. We tell stories, we skipped class together (brave confession!) Well, I've only been with her for a few month, but it is long enough for me to know that she really is one of a kind. I just can't tell you how friendly, loving and caring she is and I just miss her so much. so far. You are wonderful, Jasmin. I faced a lot of events with her that have managed to leave an impact on me. 

Jasmin happens to be one of the many wonderful people who made my world a wonderful one. So I thank you, Jasmin, for simply being my friend, even for only a few month. Too bad I don't have a picture with her. Oh well. At least I still have my memories :)

She was sleeping happily in Kuliah. She loves cat. A lot.

I love you my dear friend, I really do.

"Kerana sesungguhnya sesudah kesulitan itu ada kemudahan." 
(Surah al-Insyirah ayat 5)

Hmph. I thought today would be a good day. Boy, was I wrong about that.

Well, I slept at 3 am last night because I couldn't sleep. I stayed up watching movies and eventually my bedroom clock struck 3 am. I was already tired then, so I put down my lappy and went to sleep. It wasn't really a good night's sleep. Every now and then I would find myself being awake for a minute and fall asleep again. Many times. I was literally falling in and out of consciousness. So this morning I woke up at 6.45 am, prayed, took a shower and got ready for kuliah..

When I got to class, I was sort of shaking. The weather was cloudy, the temperature was cold enough to make me feel like sleeping again, and it was just a long morning. I realized that during the first period, when I was in account class, i don't even know that i'll have a quiz for account subject and tak study apa. My hand was shaking as I was writing. It was probably from the lack of sleep I had last night or the caffeine that I downed this morning.

Truth to be told, I'm just very, very pissed off at some people right now. Ah. Listen up, you lifeless moron. I don't know what the heck your problem is, but you have no rights to meddle with me. Stop acting like you know everything about me because you don't! And, don't be such an immature brat and put the blame on other people and deny your mistakes when you yourself is at fault, because we knew. And pleaseee stop stop stop making stories! Stop telling us things that are not true. -_____- And don't be such a smart ass and manipulate everything that you've heard. I don't even know you! God! You're making things look worse than they already are, and I'm sure you're dumb enough to not know the number of innocent people you've just got their butts burned. You're such a mess!

I don't know what to say anymore. I'm just so fed up with everything and I'm so pissed at you. Beyond pissed off. You're such a hypocrite, you know that? Claiming you come from somewhere and then you complain about it. That is really low man. You only look harmless, but I guess now I know how much venom there is inside you. Why ah? You know what they say. Jealousy is a form of flattery in its own subtle way :)

Get a life!

childish

You only know how to react by using the F word. And so do "Bitch". Why lah people nowadays  -_____-  Mind your manners please yo Mr. X, before i get meaner meaner and meaner.

You have my word.

Now in Dewan Kuliah 1 Kolej Matrikulasi Perlis, wearing a black jubah & shawl. Yeaaa, ready for 'Khursus mengendalikan Jenazah'.Sheez. I never felt this feeling before. Nervous, exited, open-minded

Why do I feel like giving up?

Kenapa rasa taknak duduk matrik ni? Hmm. Overwhelmed. Ahhh the teenage blues are back again.

Therefore, I'm starting to get very insecure of myself, my brain doesn't seem to be working the way it used to be, I'm very unproductive and I'm very futile. I don't really like you, Teenage Blues. You're mean.

Hey watch this, Salwa Hanee gave me. Mind their word, but it may release all your stressness out.

I'm so, so, so BORED!

I've never felt so lifeless before -.- Okay, I admit, I am miserable. I'm not lonely or anything, it's just that I'm miserable just sitting at here, not being able to go out because we are having a 'Karnival Dinamika' today. I am stir crazy. I guess I just feel imprisoned since I'm not going anywhere without a motive. I feel like a prisoner trapped inside my own doom of boredom.

I'm miserable. There, I said it. I am M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E. I just want to get out of here because I feel like a prisoner!!!! Since I'm quite certain that I'm having a tough time battling this mood swing of mine -- right now I feel utterly selfish, unfriendly, unnecessarily cynical, rebellious, and moody -- and I'm feeling quite bored, I Googled on what to do when you're bored.

Trust me, the results I found cracked me up.

Pretend you're a robot
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Walk down the street with mechanical movements, adding 'zzzzzt' sounds with each motion. Pretending to have a motor broken in, say, your left hand can add at least 30 seconds more entertainment. 

Scratch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn't that feel pretty good?

Repeat the same word over and over until it loses its meaning
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Pick a random word out of a magazine and say it aloud to yourself until it becomes a meaningless set of noises.

Pinch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There's nothing physical about it - it's all in your mind. Plus, after pinching yourself for awhile, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain.

Try to swallow your tongue
(Amusement Potential: 1-2 minutes)
There's not much to say about this one. It is possible, but really stupid.

Pretend to be a car
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Make appropriate revving noises in your head as you walk along and add a racing commentary as you pass strangers in the street. Use blinking eyes as indicators for extra authenticity. 

Make Star Trek door noises
(Amusement Potential: 1-2 minutes)
Stand by an electric door to a bank or something and make that silly "Scccccccchwop" sound heard whenever people popped on to the bridge to hang with Captain Kirk.

Invent a weird twitch
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Adopt a bizarre twitch (e.g. flicking your head irregularly, twitching with eye or busting out sporadic cough noises) and try it out when you go shopping. 

Make a low buzzing noise
(Amusement Potential: 15-30 minutes)
Hours of fun in libraries! Keeping a totally straight face and looking nonchalant, make a low pitch humming/buzzing noise and see who reacts. 

SERIOUSLY? Hahaha :D

Time really flies.

Happy Birthday Ira & Raidah

Oooppsss my bad, happy 'belated' birthday :p 

Lambatnyaaaaaa birthday uolls~

I have uploaded a few photos of me & my classmates. Where am I? :O Well, I'm the one who took all these pictures :') Picture number 1, Hazwani, (holding cake), and Ira & Raidah. Birthday girls!

Hey! We're the...Awesomeness! UGAH UGAGAA! #okay this is awkward -______- haha

              In the picture below, Ira & me. I know I look terrible but who the heck cares! :p

That noon, we were having class photo shoot! *but their progress in publishing the journal was a bit uh, S.L.O.W. So to be advanced. Is better for us to take our own shot.
Let's start with random pictures taken by.. err one of our classmate. Can't remember hihi. (before the photo-shoot started) Me? wearing white printed selendang.

And this came out....

Candit timee!

I wore an 'Elephant hat' instead of pirate. Truth to be told, i hate it. Si Danial la, he took the belalai gajah and put on his front zips. Pervert -_____-

For this moment, I feel like time really flies. Guess, I've grown up & matured a little bit compared to last two years when I was still in form 5. I hope so. I prefer my secondary school life compare to my life now. My life now is dull. Everything is about future future and future. Life has no U-turn. ZzzzZz.

End of my day :)

Another sad story :'(

TUAN MOHD SAIFUDDIN merupakan pelajar Matrikulasi Perlis yang telah disahkan kritikal di Hospital Kangar petang ini. Ya Allah, berderau hati saya bila terdengar berita tu pagi tadi. Pelajar lelaki jurusan sains hayat, di sahkan mengidap penyakit terkena kencing tikus akibat mandi di sungai yang dikhabarkan Sungai di Gua Kelam. Walaupun saya tidaklah mengenalinya, namun saya seperti dapat bayangkan keadaannya sekarang. Okay I'm being emotional, but hey, he is in coma.

 Dia ada salah satu ahli Pusat Islam. Seorang yang rajin ke surau, kuat pegangan agama. Dengar khabar, dia lah orang yang rajin memanggil pelajar KMP untuk ke surau. Alhamdulillah, cerita yang didengar mengenainya semua baik-baik belaka. How sweet :') Namun, keadaannya kritikal dan koma malahan  sudah hampir  80% kritikal. Ya Allah, selamatkan lah saudaraku, Saifuddin. 

Mari kita berdoa untuk saudara kita yang sedang berjuang di sana

لاَ بَأْسَ طَهُوْرٌ إِنْ شَاءَ اللهُ

“Tidak mengapa, semoga sakitmu ini membuat dosamu bersih, insya Allah.”[1]

أَسْأَلُ اللهَ الْعَظِيْمَ رَبَّ الْعَرْشِ الْعَظِيْمِ أَنْ يَشْفِيَكَ × 7

“Aku mohon kepada Allah Yang Maha Agung, Tuhan yang menguasai arasy yang agung, agar menyembuhkan penyakitmu.”[2]

Nabi saw. bersabda, “Sesiapa yang ziarah orang sakit yang belum tiba ajalnya, lalu ia mengucapkan doa ini di sisinya sebanyak tujuh kali. nescaya Allah SWT akan menyembuhkannya daripada penyakit itu." (HR Abu Daud dan Tirmizi).

Rasulullah saw. apabila menziarahi orang sakit atau orang yang menderita sakit itu di datangkan kepada baginda saw., Baginda mengucapkan (doa yang bermaksud): “Hilangkan penyakit ini, wahai Tuhan bagi manusia, sembuhkanlah, Engkau adalah Maha Penyembuh. Tidak ada kesembuhan selain kesembuhan-Mu, kesembuhan yang tidak meninggalkan penyakit.” (HR Bukhari dalam Fathul-Bari No.5675)

(sumber Rujukan: Al-Hadiqatul Yani’ah minal ‘Ulumin Nafi’ah, Syaikh Ibrahim bin Jarullah)

YaAllah, berilah yang terbaik buatnya, amin.