I don't know why I'm writing this...

I don't like sharing my problems with friends so much, I like to keep my problems to myself (or if I'm really desperate I'd rant about it to my mom). Basically, I just prefer doing things on my own.

But now, everything seems different. Sometimes it does sting a little to see everyone so happily engrossed in their own tight relationships with their family while I probably don't, but I usually overcome that feeling of being lonely by occupying myself with things like reading, or surfing the net, or sometimes I just think of the Almighty Allah and suddenly I don't feel so lonely anymore. After all of sudden. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but then again I've always preferred being the odd one out. Loneliness, but only sometimes. But sometimes I think I may be a little bit too stubborn.

Kakak, 

you can't really blame me, you know. For what happened. Things have gone your way, and you act like as if I were nothing to you. You locked the room, locker, dashboard, everything! You act like as if we've never even been sisters before. Always. I don't know. Ya Allah, stop it please! It is hurt! Hm, I may not like you all the time, but I really need a sister. From the bottom of my heart, seriously.

I'm hurt. I'm dying inside. But hey, why am I writing this here, when there's probably nobody out there who are willing to listen? I don't know.

Kenapa baru nak buat semua bila ada orang datang? Please. Kita tak faham. Naah, it's okay. I used to be invisible.

Hers

This is all my fault. I was the one who dragged myself into this mess. I'm trying so hard to avoid of that thing that hurts me, but how can I, when that same thing is the one thing that makes me happy too? I've been weighing down the consequences for so long, I don't think I will ever reach a conclusion. Maybe my actions have been very damaging, but I just couldn't help it. I relied so much on that one thing to keep me happy but all I get in the end is disappointment.

At this point I'm just so clueless on what I have to do next. I can honestly say that I hate where I am now, but what can I do? Nothing happens without the will of Allah, and He has put me here. And as we all know, Allah never puts His believers into situations that He thinks they will not be able to overcome. So I guess right now I just have to stop thinking so much and just rely on Him for guidance because frankly, I'm really tired of trying so hard. I just wish there's a switch somewhere that can magically transport me to a new life. But obviously that's not going to happen. Ever. That tension builds up and I'm left with this giant need to just let it all out.

Am I making sense here? I don't know. But what I do know is that, I am a lone wolf. Always have, and always will be, no matter who or what I have in my life. Because at the end of the day, there's only myself. I don't know what I'm going to do next. Hopefully during that period I can clear my head up a bit, wash away all the impurities within me that have been destroying me mentally and emotionally.

I think I need space, but I'm too selfish to be alone. I don't know man. I hate everything here. I just wanna enjoy myself for the next coming days. Alone.

Here in Opahbik's house :B

Today was a very emotional day for my friends and I. We had our last day in KMP and the amount of fun we had was immeasurable. Many of us cried. As far as I'm concerned, I just couldn't stop crying. At one point I just started sobbing really hard and by that time the tears were uncontrollable. Today would most probably the last day for all of us to be in KMP, together, and there will be no more spending time with each other in that college of ours after this.

It's hard to believe that we're ending this college soon. It's even harder to believe that even though it's only been less than a year, we've managed to develop a sense of togetherness over time. Yes, it's only been a few months, but I can honestly say that each and every one of us have gotten along really well compared to others. We've had many ups and downs, and we've had so much drama this semester compared to last semester (literally), but time and time again at the end of the day we're still a family, no matter how much we annoyed and irritated each other. Except for that one girl, A. Hard to understand.

My roommates really play an important part in my life. I mean, yeah, sure, we often fought and annoyed each other a lot, but we're just so much closer than you think. We might be naughty and lazy and loud and noisy and ridiculous and annoying, but come on, what are we without all that? I think the sweetest memory that I will forever cherish in my life, is the time when we had our inter-block singing competition. Remember, the most annoyying song "kita satu bangsa kita satu negaraaaaa~" Haha we had a pretty rough start. Many didn't cooperate, we had issues with our props, but as time went by we actually got on really well. We've managed to resolve so many problems, all thanks to the cooperation from everyone.We managed to finish in second place :B I think that was the starting point that actually brought us all together as one. As a team. We had so many fights, but we managed to pull through. As time progressed we succeeded in cooperating with each other, and we bonded really well too.

We ended our forever memorable rooms with a group hug ang kisses and we sort of made a promise to each other to meet again. We hugged each other individually. First Azrin come up to me and hugged me tight and I hugged her back. And then Faiza came and hugged us, and then Ira came also, and it became a group hug. We were all crying and sobbing and and it took us a while to let go of each other. We got a whole lot closer and I wouldn't have had so much fun in here without them. So then we parted ways to hug everyone else, so I went up to Salwa and hugged her. As we hugged she told me a little piece of advice that really touched my heart, because I remember there was this one time recently when I had a really honest talk with her. I told her things I wouldn't really tell just about anyone and she listened on, gave me the right advice. I cried even harder as she spoke and at that point I just couldn't thank her enough for being such a good listener, and a good friend.

My life in here would never have been this fun if it weren't for my roommates & classmates instead. It's just hard to believe that we've reached the end of KMP. All those dramas and fights we had, and all those good times we've shared, they're just impossible for me not to cherish forever.

#Salwa & Hazrin (s) Birthday! Hazrin Lari bila mahu ditangkap gambarnya. Do I sounds Indon? :/

 #We used to buy this Nasi Lemak Delivery, yummy :9

#Haiwan peliharaan kami dari sem satu. Dari kiri, tompok, biggie, pipit, cutie, gambar rakun je takda and satu lagi kucing kelabu kecil.

#Time ni makan di Luar matrik together dengan roommates :)

#First time berjalan hangout tempah kereta sewa :D

#Steamboat time!

#Riding together, rindu :')

 #Alor Setar (:

Al-khindi 203 and their memories will always remain in my heart. Forever and always.