3rd May, FASTER LAH!

I wanna go home. 

So badly. 

Pleaseee.... 

*burst into tears* 

Suriah Binti Juah

She's my mom. I admire her for what she knows and for being so cool about it. Ask her any question and she is always beaming with the right answer. (I wonder how she did that). She often challenges my values, my convictions--making sure that I keep the right values close to my heart always, and get rid of the things that destroy both the body, mind and spirit.

Why do I love my mom?

1. She is Allah's gift to me. From her, I learned everything that I needed to survive in this challenging world.

2. She taught me the real meaning of love (outside of emotions and beyond words) forgiveness, patience and grace.

3. She is a mother who took care of all our needs.

4. She is a friend who took time to listen whether I had a happy or sad story to tell.

5. She is my teacher, my mentor and my one & only mentor; teaching me what really matters in this world.

I can only thank to Allah, Alhamdulilllah, for my mom because without her, I would not have been brought out into this world and enjoy the life. I am grateful for every minute that I have spent with her and I need it always. Pure love and selflessness and sacrifice. I love you mama. You are the best. You will always be.

Conversations between (me & mom) JUST NOW

Mama : Inash, dah siap semua barang-barang balik college?

Me      : Naaaaah, lambat lagi balik. & macam nak tambah cuti je, boleh kan maa? *flirting eyes*

Mama : Ehh ticket dah beli, & esok lah kamu balik takkan dah lupa sayang

Me      : Haaaaaaaaaaaa esok ke balik?! :O  SERIOUSLYYYYYYYYY?!!!!
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Zulfaiq, a.k.a. the future imam in our family :') Alhamdulillah.
Since faiq masuk Kolej Tahfiz, mama & ayah rindu je. Mama loves playing wiith her Pee Pou game. It reminds her about faiq. Comelnya lah mama saya :')

It makes me sad knowing that I can't count on my sister to be there for me as a best friend like how we used to be. But I've distanced myself from her because of the fact that i can't really talk to her about anything or even trust her. Just bcs of the way she treat me...you know, hm. I wonder if any of you have been in the same situation with an older sibiling, how did you deal with it?

HELLO BONJOUR!

Anyway my love for my soon-to-be Samsung S II is growing! I'm planning to save and collect as much money as I can to get my new S II! I've found out about the installment systems. You can buy things ansuran. But the price would be diffrent. As an example, the normal price for galaxy note is 1400+ but with the installment system it will be RM1800+. What do you think? Hmmmmm Pleaseeeeee. This is the link -->  CLICK HERE & here --> YOUTUBE

<------------------------LOOK AT ME! I'M CONFUSING! HELP ME OUT!
        WARGHHHHHHHH!!! 
      (me with a paramesium shawl)

Me want this

I've finally found the phone that I want!

Well, the phone that I want is Samsung S II. The graphics are just awesome! Haha. I saw the Samsung catalog earlier today. I'm planning to save and collect as much money as I can to get our new S II! Well, It looks a lot like my sister's Galaxy Note but smaller and just nice :) I've searched internet and so do courts. They were selling it for RM1600. OMG! I GOTTA HAVE IT!

Ain't it puuurrty? It is touch screen, it's a whole lot easier to type, the graphics are very attractive and not that big such Galaxy note. What can I not love about this phone? I text a lot, and I want a phone that doesn't weigh more than my purse with all the coins and stuff in it. I gotta start saving. Hmm maybe in three or four months I might just get this phone, if I save a lot.

Ya Allah, I really want this phone! I'm lusting and drooling over it. Oh myyyyy. Anyway, since I'm earning a fair sum of money every month from my allowance, it'll only take me about three months worth of mine to compensate for the galaxy S2 that I want. But, you know me, my patience is not something to be proud of. Hehe. I'm trying to make it possible to make the three-month-wait squeeze into just a month. I already have a couple of hundreds in my bank, and I need RM700 more. I'm also planning to sell my old Galaxy mini 2 phone, the black one that I used back in 2010. It's still in perfect condition, and I might just get around RM200 just by selling it. Hehe. And as for the rest? Maybe I'll ask my mom to chip in a little bit, and I'll pay her back later when my monthly salary comes in. Tunggu kerja after done my Matric. Hehe. Or maybe i should just wait? I'll consider.
CLICK HERE BABY!

Hello there!

UPS/diagnostic exam is finally over! for now. PSPM's await us as we anticipate them, anxious. God, if I don't get this over and done with any sooner, I'm going to participate in the explosion of stress. Can PSPM come faster pleeeeeeease? Acc was easy, so do economics. Business, hmm quite challenging, but I could do it. I can't wait to get my results for the UPS. 

Anyway, I'm up to a point where I feel like as if time is running out. I feel like as if I've just finished my PSPM and am about to apply for University for degree. But I haven't finished my PSPM yet lah. Yeah anyway I have been dreaming of becoming a islamic banker. I used to dream of myself in those formal black coats, counting money-$ and how my office would look like (ceh). Now I'm just lost. I don't know what to do in life. I don't know what I want to do in life! Most people nowadays want to become a doctor, lawyer, accountant but I bet you that only 30% are not in it for the glamour. Me? I'm not sure why I wanted to become an accountant expert.

Me suck

Ooh, New Girl is on. Haha. Toodles!

I need more of this positive energy. Where can I get more of this positive energy? O' right, by eating :) Food makes me happy, too

I wanna kill myself

Why? Bcs I can't seem to concentrate on Business subject! My God, the textbook and the reference books just make the subject even more boring than it is. URGGHHH!! The textbook is so not student-friendly, the pictures given in the textbook are meaningless, the layout of every page is just sooo boring. The font is just right, but the gap between every line is just too small, hence making it impossible for me, or any student for that matter, to be deeply engrossed in such an interesting topic with an unfortunately boring way of telling the whole agenda. I'll keep complaining~~

Jeezzz. I just can't concentrate on Bisnes right now. Nothing is sticking to the walls of my brain and if all else fails, then I'll just rely on God and a bit of luck to help me.

NEXT WEEK IS THE EXAM WEEK, WHYYY KMP, WHY SO EARLY? :'(

I feel sorry for myself

I hate how I carry myself sometimes. It's been going on quite frequently these past few days, the self-hate part I mean. And I hate how ignorant and cold and selfish I can get, whenever I'm having one of those crappy days. Like today. But I'm trying my best to change that. I'm trying my best to constantly improve myself as a person, day by day.

What is wrong? I'm so much better than this. I miss the old you, Syafinaz aris. I don't know you anymore. Hm

Mwehehehe

Don't bother asking about the title of this post. I'm out of titles. Hahah. I had a tiring but fun time today with a few of my friends.I feel so much better now, after last few day's little scare. I'm just so glad that I chatted with my two friends, Raidah & ana, last night and I did follow their advices, which basically just summed up to turn to God when feeling helpless. And yeah, I did. I felt so much better after I prayed :)

We shared our problems. Apparently we're supposed to hand in our english assignments (questionaire) 'asap' but we didn't. Hehe. Well, yeah sure, of course we'd try to complete our assignments but there's just one slight problem. We're on our own. That promised guidance has vapourised into absolute nothingness. We have absolutely no idea on what to do and we're just clueless about this whole scrap book bull. Of course, we'd gotten this assignment a couple of weeks ago, after the 2 weeks holidays started. But we weren't informed in detail on what to do and we were fed with empty promises. We could just copy one off from other classes but the thing is...there's just so much to do and it's all due on February. A week more to go. Isn't that just marvelous? :)

Hahaaaaa. Die. Anyway yeah, thank you, best friends, for such a delightfully wonderful day! You know who you are :) It was a beautiful day to be outside and I enjoyed spending my day with my friends. We shared lots of stories and we laughed a lot, and it really felt like old times. Just the three of us sitting together, making lame jokes and laughing like there's no tomorrow. It's like the textbook definition of a perfect day; spending good quality time with your best friends on a romantic, clear day. I love you guys! Muah! Haha :p Only six more days of exam to go. Right now, I'm just tired. I'm very very tired and I just wanna curl up in bed and sleep.God, this year, really stressing. I'm sitting for PSPM in another few months, and I'm targeting for at least 3.5 above. It's crucial that I get good results for my PSPM because I wasn't do my best for my PSPM 1 and it hurts me. I want to go to a good university and get a good education so I can get a job with a good pay.

Goodnite. Toodles.

STOP UNDERESTIMATING ME

You have no idea what I can do and you don't even have a clue on what kind of talents -- yes, talentssssss -- I have coz you never even bothered to know. So many thoughts are going through my mind right now that I can't even explain myself. Is it so wrong to be so devoted to something that you really enjoy doing? Sheesh. Some people are just so shallow-minded that it pisses me off.

Can I ask you a question? Why is it always that some people are totally narrow-minded, and they think that just because you're not in the science stream, or that you choose a career that has nothing to do whatsoever with science and math, then you're just dumb, or not intelligent, or you're just not doing well in school? Seriously. I mean, do the words "smart" and "intelligent" only apply to those who are left-brained? I'M JUST SAYIN'. Naaah

TTYL.

I can't believe it's already Sunday. Which means that the moment I wake up from the sweet, sweet oblivion of sleep tomorrow morning, it would be Monday. A godawful Monday. A Monday where I have to wake up early in the morning, hit the showers, and go to class for the first time in the week. Monday. I hate that word. Mondaaaay. Full with classes, scheduled. It feels like acid in my mouth. I HATE MONDAYS! Well, I couldn't sleep well last night :( and I don't know why. It took me like about more than an hour i guess, to fall asleep after switching off the lights and tucking myself underneath the comforter. I also woke up a few times in the middle of the night and it was oddly warm inside my room.

There was this one time last night when I woke up with a start. I remember dreaming about all my teeth starting to get lose and then falling out of their sockets, and then I called my mother, crying about how terrified I was. It was terrifying dream that I woke up with a gasp and my heart started pounding, and just to be sure, I ran my tongue along my teeth just to see whether or not they were still in place. Hahaha. That was really terrifying. I hate dreaming. Seriously, I hate dreaming. I wouldn't mind if I dream of happy things, you know? But when it comes to weird dreams like oh I don't know, like my teeth falling out, that's just freaky. I always dream of weird things and sometimes they creep me out, other times they just annoy the crap out of me. Well, do you know about Lendu's story? Not to mention the name of the University but..yeah

Check this out! CLICK HERE PLEASE

What happened two nights ago really changed me, emotionally.

Something knock my door! Now it affected my emotional feelings. Honestly, that "incident" really changed me. Whenever I feel like something is not right, or I'm not feeling quite like myself, I would become mad like a pig. Like I said, if that bloody bastard wants to live here, go ahead. Just don't disturb me at all! Seriously. It's so annoying to be disturbed by such a satan. First they disturb you by making you feel scared and emotionally weak, then they'll attack you, resulting you to be even more scared. and yeah i slept with fatin last night hehe.

But, on the other hand, if you're emotionally strong and stern, it will definitely go away. It has feelings, too. And it can also read your mind. It knows when you're scared and when you're not scared. Think of this as absurd, but it really is true. I was being disturbed and I didn't like it at all. It's annoying and disturbing and just...eerie. But then again, this might just be a test from the Almighty God. He might want me to become stronger emotionally, because I believe that what He does is for my own good. Look at me now, I don't think I'm that afraid of that thing disturbing me anymore. I'll just chant a few prayers and kedebabooom! it'll be gone. It is afraid of God, you know.

AHHHHHH MY CHIN IS HURT :( GOT BITTEN BY CHARLIEEE. DAMN YOU CHARLIE -____-

Dengar cerita Jasmin will be back., she'll be staying here in KMP like she used to. Dia kena gantung for 2 weeks, alahai suspend je. But as a punishment (maybe), she needs to change class. To avoid that 'thing' happen again. Macam fitnah lah benda ni. Ahh whatever -_________-  This is sooo non of my business, am I right?

Still, I'm glad she's back.

I'm really sorry

I'm sorry I told you it wasn't going to work. I'm sorry if I made you cry. I'm sorry you think that I'm playing with your feelings. I'm sorry that I made you think you weren't good enough for me. I'm sorry for your broken heart. I'm sorry I did not tell you earlier. I'm sorry if I made you lose faith. I'm sorry I made you think about death. I'm sorry I made you feel like there's no point living anymore. I'm sorry I couldn't give you a chance. I'm sorry I had to say goodbye. I'm sorry I tortured you. I am so sorry, it hurts me to hear you cry. But I am not ready for all this love kinda thing. I don't want to be ready for it. 

We're still young. We're only 19. I think that we should prioritise other things compared to this. There're a lot of things we could do other than this. I'm just, you know, not ready for it. Love isn't beneficial if it is not for the sake of Allah. I'm sorry mr. I don't mean to.