Pages

Saturday, May 11, 2013

I don't know why I'm writing this...

I don't like sharing my problems with friends so much, I like to keep my problems to myself (or if I'm really desperate I'd rant about it to my mom). Basically, I just prefer doing things on my own.

But now, everything seems different. Sometimes it does sting a little to see everyone so happily engrossed in their own tight relationships with their family while I probably don't, but I usually overcome that feeling of being lonely by occupying myself with things like reading, or surfing the net, or sometimes I just think of the Almighty Allah and suddenly I don't feel so lonely anymore. After all of sudden. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but then again I've always preferred being the odd one out. Loneliness, but only sometimes. But sometimes I think I may be a little bit too stubborn.

Kakak, 
you can't really blame me, you know. For what happened. Things have gone your way, and you act like as if I were nothing to you. You locked the room, locker, dashboard, everything! You act like as if we've never even been sisters before. Always. I don't know. Ya Allah, stop it please! It is hurt! Hm, I may not like you all the time, but I really need a sister. From the bottom of my heart, seriously.

Friday, May 10, 2013

I'm hurt. I'm dying inside. But hey, why am I writing this here, when there's probably nobody out there who are willing to listen? I don't know.

Thursday, May 09, 2013

Kenapa baru nak buat semua bila ada orang datang? Please. Kita tak faham. Naah, it's okay. I used to be invisible.

Saturday, May 04, 2013

Hers

This is all my fault. I was the one who dragged myself into this mess. I'm trying so hard to avoid of that thing that hurts me, but how can I, when that same thing is the one thing that makes me happy too? I've been weighing down the consequences for so long, I don't think I will ever reach a conclusion. Maybe my actions have been very damaging, but I just couldn't help it. I relied so much on that one thing to keep me happy but all I get in the end is disappointment.

At this point I'm just so clueless on what I have to do next. I can honestly say that I hate where I am now, but what can I do? Nothing happens without the will of Allah, and He has put me here. And as we all know, Allah never puts His believers into situations that He thinks they will not be able to overcome. So I guess right now I just have to stop thinking so much and just rely on Him for guidance because frankly, I'm really tired of trying so hard. I just wish there's a switch somewhere that can magically transport me to a new life. But obviously that's not going to happen. Ever. That tension builds up and I'm left with this giant need to just let it all out.

Am I making sense here? I don't know. But what I do know is that, I am a lone wolf. Always have, and always will be, no matter who or what I have in my life. Because at the end of the day, there's only myself. I don't know what I'm going to do next. Hopefully during that period I can clear my head up a bit, wash away all the impurities within me that have been destroying me mentally and emotionally.

I think I need space, but I'm too selfish to be alone. I don't know man. I hate everything here. I just wanna enjoy myself for the next coming days. Alone.

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Here in Opahbik's house :B

Today was a very emotional day for my friends and I. We had our last day in KMP and the amount of fun we had was immeasurable. Many of us cried. As far as I'm concerned, I just couldn't stop crying. At one point I just started sobbing really hard and by that time the tears were uncontrollable. Today would most probably the last day for all of us to be in KMP, together, and there will be no more spending time with each other in that college of ours after this.

It's hard to believe that we're ending this college soon. It's even harder to believe that even though it's only been less than a year, we've managed to develop a sense of togetherness over time. Yes, it's only been a few months, but I can honestly say that each and every one of us have gotten along really well compared to others. We've had many ups and downs, and we've had so much drama this semester compared to last semester (literally), but time and time again at the end of the day we're still a family, no matter how much we annoyed and irritated each other. Except for that one girl, A. Hard to understand.

My roommates really play an important part in my life. I mean, yeah, sure, we often fought and annoyed each other a lot, but we're just so much closer than you think. We might be naughty and lazy and loud and noisy and ridiculous and annoying, but come on, what are we without all that? I think the sweetest memory that I will forever cherish in my life, is the time when we had our inter-block singing competition. Remember, the most annoyying song "kita satu bangsa kita satu negaraaaaa~" Haha we had a pretty rough start. Many didn't cooperate, we had issues with our props, but as time went by we actually got on really well. We've managed to resolve so many problems, all thanks to the cooperation from everyone.We managed to finish in second place :B I think that was the starting point that actually brought us all together as one. As a team. We had so many fights, but we managed to pull through. As time progressed we succeeded in cooperating with each other, and we bonded really well too.


We ended our forever memorable rooms with a group hug ang kisses and we sort of made a promise to each other to meet again. We hugged each other individually. First Azrin come up to me and hugged me tight and I hugged her back. And then Faiza came and hugged us, and then Ira came also, and it became a group hug. We were all crying and sobbing and and it took us a while to let go of each other. We got a whole lot closer and I wouldn't have had so much fun in here without them. So then we parted ways to hug everyone else, so I went up to Salwa and hugged her. As we hugged she told me a little piece of advice that really touched my heart, because I remember there was this one time recently when I had a really honest talk with her. I told her things I wouldn't really tell just about anyone and she listened on, gave me the right advice. I cried even harder as she spoke and at that point I just couldn't thank her enough for being such a good listener, and a good friend.

My life in here would never have been this fun if it weren't for my roommates & classmates instead. It's just hard to believe that we've reached the end of KMP. All those dramas and fights we had, and all those good times we've shared, they're just impossible for me not to cherish forever.

#Salwa & Hazrin (s) Birthday! Hazrin Lari bila mahu ditangkap gambarnya. Do I sounds Indon? :/

 #We used to buy this Nasi Lemak Delivery, yummy :9

#Haiwan peliharaan kami dari sem satu. Dari kiri, tompok, biggie, pipit, cutie, gambar rakun je takda and satu lagi kucing kelabu kecil.



#Time ni makan di Luar matrik together dengan roommates :)

#First time berjalan hangout tempah kereta sewa :D

#Steamboat time!

#Riding together, rindu :')

 #Alor Setar (:

Al-khindi 203 and their memories will always remain in my heart. Forever and always.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Hi. It has been awhile i didn't update my blog. Hey. I started off the study weeks feeling groggy and frustrated.. I managed to wake up at 6.40 in the morning, after done with subuh I"m thinking I'd sleep for another ten minutes before I wake up and do a little bit of studying. Hmm. Last last, 9.30 baru bangun. Gosh. I hate waking up late. Everything's in a rush and you tend to forget some important things.

Accounts was pretty easy. I studied, of course. A weeks before the exams even started. But...I tend to forget some facts in the process. So, I had to struggle a bit when I did that  paper. Sigh. Tomorrow is the last day of exam! Economics. Blew it! I'm gonna go study econs later lah. I can't really focus in the evening. I need silence. I'm so sleepy and lethargic. I've just had a two-hour nap and now I'm feeling groggy. In fact, I don't think I'm fully awake yet. I hate it when I fall asleep in the evening. When I wake up, I'd feel like as if there's a heavy rock on my head.

I'm prone to sleep nowadays. Since the study weeks. Haha. It's like my new hobby, and I hate it -_- I hate nerds. I hate those kinds of nerds who'd fuss about one teeny weeny itty bit of a wrong answer. Get a grip, gosh. Dah confirm dapat A tu senyap jela, ini terjerit sampai satu KMP dengar. What the..

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

3rd May, FASTER LAH!

I wanna go home. 
So badly. 
Pleaseee.... 
*burst into tears* 

Monday, February 11, 2013

Suriah Binti Juah

She's my mom. I admire her for what she knows and for being so cool about it. Ask her any question and she is always beaming with the right answer. (I wonder how she did that). She often challenges my values, my convictions--making sure that I keep the right values close to my heart always, and get rid of the things that destroy both the body, mind and spirit.

Why do I love my mom?
1. She is Allah's gift to me. From her, I learned everything that I needed to survive in this challenging world.
2. She taught me the real meaning of love (outside of emotions and beyond words) forgiveness, patience and grace.
3. She is a mother who took care of all our needs.
4. She is a friend who took time to listen whether I had a happy or sad story to tell.
5. She is my teacher, my mentor and my one & only mentor; teaching me what really matters in this world.

I can only thank to Allah, Alhamdulilllah, for my mom because without her, I would not have been brought out into this world and enjoy the life. I am grateful for every minute that I have spent with her and I need it always. Pure love and selflessness and sacrifice. I love you mama. You are the best. You will always be.

Conversations between (me mom) JUST NOW
Mama : Inash, dah siap semua barang-barang balik college?
Me      : Naaaaah, lambat lagi balik. & macam nak tambah cuti je, boleh kan maa? *flirting eyes*
Mama : Ehh ticket dah beli, & esok lah kamu balik takkan dah lupa sayang
Me      : Haaaaaaaaaaaa esok ke balik?! :O  SERIOUSLYYYYYYYYY?!!!!
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________


Zulfaiq, a.k.a. the future imam in our family :') Alhamdulillah.
Since faiq masuk Kolej Tahfiz, mama & ayah rindu je. Mama loves playing wiith her Pee Pou game. It reminds her about faiq. Comelnya lah mama saya :')
It makes me sad knowing that I can't count on my sister to be there for me as a best friend like how we used to be. But I've distanced myself from her because of the fact that i can't really talk to her about anything or even trust her. Just bcs of the way she treat me...you know, hm. I wonder if any of you have been in the same situation with an older sibiling, how did you deal with it?

Thursday, February 07, 2013

HELLO BONJOUR!


Anyway my love for my soon-to-be Samsung S II is growing! I'm planning to save and collect as much money as I can to get my new S II! I've found out about the installment systems. You can buy things ansuran. But the price would be diffrent. As an example, the normal price for galaxy note is 1400+ but with the installment system it will be RM1800+. What do you think? Hmmmmm Pleaseeeeee. This is the link -->  CLICK HERE & here --> YOUTUBE

<------------------------LOOK AT ME! I'M CONFUSING! HELP ME OUT!
        WARGHHHHHHHH!!! 
      (me with a paramesium shawl)

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

Me want this

I've finally found the phone that I want!
Well, the phone that I want is Samsung S II. The graphics are just awesome! Haha. I saw the Samsung catalog earlier today. I'm planning to save and collect as much money as I can to get our new S II! Well, It looks a lot like my sister's Galaxy Note but smaller and just nice :) I've searched internet and so do courts. They were selling it for RM1600. OMG! I GOTTA HAVE IT!

Ain't it puuurrty? It is touch screen, it's a whole lot easier to type, the graphics are very attractive and not that big such Galaxy note. What can I not love about this phone? I text a lot, and I want a phone that doesn't weigh more than my purse with all the coins and stuff in it. I gotta start saving. Hmm maybe in three or four months I might just get this phone, if I save a lot.

Ya Allah, I really want this phone! I'm lusting and drooling over it. Oh myyyyy. Anyway, since I'm earning a fair sum of money every month from my allowance, it'll only take me about three months worth of mine to compensate for the galaxy S2 that I want. But, you know me, my patience is not something to be proud of. Hehe. I'm trying to make it possible to make the three-month-wait squeeze into just a month. I already have a couple of hundreds in my bank, and I need RM700 more. I'm also planning to sell my old Galaxy mini 2 phone, the black one that I used back in 2010. It's still in perfect condition, and I might just get around RM200 just by selling it. Hehe. And as for the rest? Maybe I'll ask my mom to chip in a little bit, and I'll pay her back later when my monthly salary comes in. Tunggu kerja after done my Matric. Hehe. Or maybe i should just wait? I'll consider.
CLICK HERE BABY!

Friday, February 01, 2013

Hello there!

UPS/diagnostic exam is finally over! for now. PSPM's await us as we anticipate them, anxious. God, if I don't get this over and done with any sooner, I'm going to participate in the explosion of stress. Can PSPM come faster pleeeeeeease? Acc was easy, so do economics. Business, hmm quite challenging, but I could do it. I can't wait to get my results for the UPS

Anyway, I'm up to a point where I feel like as if time is running out. I feel like as if I've just finished my PSPM and am about to apply for University for degree. But I haven't finished my PSPM yet lah. Yeah anyway I have been dreaming of becoming a islamic banker. I used to dream of myself in those formal black coats, counting money-$ and how my office would look like (ceh). Now I'm just lost. I don't know what to do in life. I don't know what I want to do in life! Most people nowadays want to become a doctor, lawyer, accountant but I bet you that only 30% are not in it for the glamour. Me? I'm not sure why I wanted to become an accountant expert.

Me suck

Ooh, New Girl is on. Haha. Toodles!

Thursday, January 31, 2013

I need more of this positive energy. Where can I get more of this positive energy? O' right, by eating :) Food makes me happy, too

Friday, January 25, 2013

I wanna kill myself

Why? Bcs I can't seem to concentrate on Business subject! My God, the textbook and the reference books just make the subject even more boring than it is. URGGHHH!! The textbook is so not student-friendly, the pictures given in the textbook are meaningless, the layout of every page is just sooo boring. The font is just right, but the gap between every line is just too small, hence making it impossible for me, or any student for that matter, to be deeply engrossed in such an interesting topic with an unfortunately boring way of telling the whole agenda. I'll keep complaining~~

Jeezzz. 
I just can't concentrate on Bisnes right now. Nothing is sticking to the walls of my brain and if all else fails, then I'll just rely on God and a bit of luck to help me.
NEXT WEEK IS THE EXAM WEEK, WHYYY KMP, WHY SO EARLY? :'(

I feel sorry for myself


I hate how I carry myself sometimes. It's been going on quite frequently these past few days, the self-hate part I mean. And I hate how ignorant and cold and selfish I can get, whenever I'm having one of those crappy days. Like today. But I'm trying my best to change that. I'm trying my best to constantly improve myself as a person, day by day.

What is wrong? I'm so much better than this. I miss the old you, Syafinaz aris. I don't know you anymore. Hm